Starting the New Year Without Pressure: A Different Way Forward
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Starting the New Year Without Pressure: A Different Way Forward
Farya: Welcome to From Trauma to CEO.
As we are approaching the new year, I want to start this episode by saying something very directly to you. If you're entering this year without urgency, without pressure, or without that familiar internal pressure to make something happen, I want you to hear this: That does not mean that you're behind. And before you decide how this year is going to look like, or what you should be doing or shouldn't be doing for this new year, I want you to stay with me until the end, because I'm going to give you a very simple internal tool that will help you recognize how to move forward without pressure.
And God knows we all need that. And I want to give you that tool to learn how to move forward without pressure, but without also shrinking your life, either. It's not a mindset exercise, it's not a journaling prompt, it's something a lot more accurate because I know that many of you who are listening may not necessarily be stuck, you're just no longer being driven by your old engine.
Narrator: Welcome to From Trauma to CEO: The Psychology of Transformational Success with Farya Barlas. This is a space for cycle breakers, leaders, and visionaries who are ready to rewrite old patterns and rise into their fullest potential. Each episode explores the emotional, psychological, and identity-level shifts that turn lived experience into lasting, meaningful success. And now here's your host, Farya Barlas.
Farya: Hello and welcome back.
I want to speak to you about the moment that I have experienced myself, and I've seen many, many of my clients that have gone through it. So, there is that moment that happens to people who have been strong for a very long time. And I know that many of you have been. And that moment doesn't really arrive with a big noise or a chaos, it actually arrives in calm. It's not a fantasy space, but it's an actual real space. It's the kind of moment when you don't have to put out fires, right? I feel like that's been my life all throughout my 30s. So, I think years ago, I experienced this moment myself, where suddenly, I felt like there was no urgency in things. No one urgently needed me, that might have had something to do with my children growing up, and I know a lot of you might experience that. There was no crisis pulling me forward, and my work, my business might be stable, my family settled, and the emotional storms have eased.
And the surprising thing is this: Nothing feels wrong, but nothing also feels alive, either. Everything just quiets down, everything stops, they almost sit down. And instead of relief, there is a strange internal flatness. It's not necessarily sadness or exhaustion, it's more like just a flatness. And it's almost like something inside of you hasn't been switched on or called upon in a very, very long time. And I remember experiencing that feeling, and I thought that something might have been wrong, you know? But I kept looking and there was nothing that stood out to me. So, I know that it confused me, and I know that this stage many people go through and it could be just as confusing for them as well.
What this might look like for you is that you might reach for your phone, not because you want to be distracted, but because it's just automatic. You scroll, you put it down, you turn on something familiar in the background—not necessarily because you want to watch something or you care, but because it just—the silence might feel oddly loud. And at some point, a thought appears that you may not know what to do with. And the thought might come up in this way: "I should be enjoying this." But the enjoyment doesn't come. Because your system wasn't built for open space, it was built for being needed. For years, sometimes decades, movement came from responsibility, usefulness, obligations, being the one who holds things together. And when none of that is required, there's no internal signal telling you who to be next—not necessarily what to do, but who to be. This is the part people don't expect. They think freedom will feel expansive, exciting, but at first, it often feels like standing in a wide room with no furniture. There is no instructions, and there is no obvious next step. And as I mentioned earlier, I have been in that place a few times, and I think the first time was very overwhelming because who I had to always be was somebody that was always needed. So when I felt like, "Okay, there's no urgency," it just felt oddly unfamiliar. And that is experienced by many high achievers who are always doing things.
And the new year can intensify this as well, because January doesn't just offer time, it offers possibility without demand, right? And it can feel a bit unsettling if your sense of direction has always come from pressure. So, you always had direction because the pressure was to get this done, or to do this for the kids, or to meet this deadline. And so instead of dreaming, the system waits. Instead of imagining, it starts to scan. Instead of moving forward, it just hovers.
And this is not because something is not working or anything is broken, but this is mainly because for the first time, movement is not being pulled out of you by necessity. And this is the line most people have never heard: This is not emptiness, this is unused capacity. Oh, I love that. Unused capacity.
So here is another moment that lands for a lot of people: Someone is forced with a decision that on paper is simple—say yes or no, take the opportunity or don't, say yes to this job or no, launch this product or don't, commit or pause. There's no obvious downside either way, and yet the decision feels just extremely heavy. You may think about it as you get on with your day, in your shower, in walks, you may think about it as you go through the day, as you're cooking, in the shower, on walks, late at night, and people tell themselves, "Just decide." But nothing moves. And it has nothing to do with the choice being bad or good, it has everything to do with the fact that nothing is forcing their hand. It's an option, it's a choice. And if you think about it, earlier in life, decisions were always made under pressure. And as I mentioned, that is definitely true for me, and I know it's true for many, many people—maybe it's financial urgency, maybe it's emotional necessity, or maybe it's attending to somebody else's needs. Now that the pressure is gone, and without it, the person realizes that something is unsettling, it feels unsettling. They don't actually know how to choose from desire alone. So this is where we are not choosing from pressure, we're not choosing from urgency, we want to be choosing from desire. And this is again another unfamiliar thing, right? Because you've never practiced moving without a push. And this is why some people confuse that and they think, "Well, it's—" they confuse maturity with stagnation. And what's really happening is that the old decision-making system has retired, and the new one hasn't been trained yet. So this is where sometimes cultural messaging can quietly harm people. So every January, we hear things like, "Well, if nothing changes, nothing changes. You have to want it badly enough," or "discipline is everything." Now, I don't have anything against these messages, but I want to gently also disagree with all of these messages because for many of you, pressure already did its job. It got you here, right? It helped you build a life, a career, reputation, sense of, maybe, stability. But pressure was never meant to be permanent. What people may not realize is that the pressure eventually stops working. And when it stops working, you might feel like, "Oh my god, I might be failing at something." That's not true. It's just that your system grows tired of being driven by tension. So when you hear motivational messaging or something—especially around this time of the year, people are getting all hyped up and all ready to come up with all their New Year resolution, goals, and everything—and again, I want to stress that I'm all for setting yourself goals and thinking about, reflecting on a year that's gone, and thinking about the year that's ahead. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever, in fact, I encourage that. But I'm talking about the different kind of messaging—the one that pushes you to make drastic changes, like turn your life around. So these are the kind of pressure that I'm talking about, that they will not be sustainable, they will eventually stop working. And when you hear these kind of messages, this kind of motivational messages, New Year goal-setting messages, something in you may not respond anymore. And I want you to know that it's not about laziness or even discernment, it's just that you're no longer willing to exchange your nervous system for progress. And this, my friend, is evolution. Again, many people don't recognize this, I had a client a couple of weeks ago that left me a message frantically saying, "Farya, you know, like nothing is urgent, don't worry, I just want to tell you that I'm kind of feeling oddly—" she explained it as lazy and not motivated, but when we looked at it together, what came up was, "Actually, you're doing everything right, you're just not willing to compromise your nervous system for progress." That doesn't mean progress is not being made because rest assured, we are all about progress and growth. And every work that I do is around growth because I do believe that we are on this Earth, we are living this gift that's a life, because we are supposed to be growing every single day. But the growth doesn't have to cost us our nervous system.
And I want to also tell you about this other thing that I see, again, around this time of the year when we are finally taking some time off, maybe for a holiday, maybe we have a lighter schedule around this time of the year, or maybe we have a few days with nothing planned. There is this funny meme going around on Instagram about how people look confused between Christmas and New Year, those couple of days when nothing is planned, you don't even know what day of the week it is. I know you can identify with that because I can. The other day, I woke up and I was like, "Is it Friday today?" It was Tuesday. And then, and then I was thinking, "Oh my god, when you're in between these two breaks, it can feel very unsettling because you don't know whether you're going or coming or what's happening." So this is the kind of moment I'm talking about, because I know that when this happens, you might have been craving it, looking forward to it, but yet, two days in, you might start having this agitation, maybe boredom, irritation, maybe this—it's restlessness. Or it's a feeling that comes up for a lot of people. You might start reorganizing things, you might check your emails, you might start planning what's next. And also it has nothing to do with you not enjoying rest, because many people like to rest, but because rest also removes the reason why you usually feel legitimate. Now I know it might sound a little bit heavy what I'm saying, but stay with me. For years, worth, your worth, our worth, was tied to output, to being reliable, to being on. So when nothing is demanded, the system doesn't feel free, it feels exposed. And obviously the new year, to me, it carries the same energy—a wide-open stretch of time with no immediate justification for who you are. That's not a motivation issue, this is a identity gap. So here's the reframe I want you to take with you, and I really want you to sit with this for a moment. I want you to know you're not unmotivated, you're just unwilling to be motivated by pressure. And that's not the end of growth, that's actually the doorway to a different kind of growth. This year doesn't ask, "How hard can you push?" It asks, "What happens when you move without fear driving the engine?" Or at least I hope that that's what this year is going to ask you, and that's what you should be asking yourself. Or that's what I hope that you'll be asking yourself. Most people have never tried, and of course it's going to feel unfamiliar, but unfamiliar doesn't mean wrong. It means you are between engines. So, if there's one thing that I want you to take away from today's episode, which is appropriate and it's being recorded for the purpose of New Year and all the New Year resolution and everything else, but I feel like this is applicable to any time that we come across a break or we feel like we want to expand but we don't feel that pressure, so it could be applicable to all of that. And I want you to just take this understanding that just because something is not feeling like how it always did, it doesn't mean that it's a negative thing. It just means that you're not where you were before, but you may not also be where you want to be, yet. And it's uncomfortable, I know, but it is also what is required when we go from one stage to another.
Now, I promised you a tool at the beginning of the episode, and this is it: So for the next few weeks, I'm inviting you not to ask yourself, "What should I do this year?" because you will be thinking about that, things will come up, and you go through life and you go through your business and work and your family life and everything, and things will pop up, so you will know what you should do. So that's not the question I want you to ask yourself. I want you to ask this instead, and notice the answer in your body, not in your head. And the question is: What inside of me tightens when I think about making this year count? So when you think about, "I need to make this year count," what part of your body, what part of your inside feels tighter or feels tense? And then, what also softens when you imagine moving without pressure? So I want you to ask these two questions of yourself. That's it. There's no fixing, no forcing, because the tightening shows you where the pressure is still running the show. And the softening shows you where movement might come from next. And it's not about choosing immediately, it's all about letting a different internal signal come online. And that signal is always quieter, but it's far, far more reliable. So I would invite you to focus a little bit more at your internal messaging by asking yourself these questions and watching and seeing how your body responds to that.
So, if you're listening to this and thinking, "I don't want another year of forcing or pressure," or "another year of setting goals and not necessarily meeting them, but at the same time, I don't want to give up either," then you're exactly where you need to be. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Nothing important has closed, you haven't missed your moment. The year is still wide open, not just for the old way, but for the new way, for the way that is going to be more comfortable for you, is going to be more aligned with who you are and what your mission is in life. Now, if this episode resonated, I'd love for you to do two things. First, share it with someone who looks like they have it together but feel oddly un-pressured this year, if you know anyone. I know a lot of people—actually, a lot of people think that feeling un-pressured is a discomfort and a pressure in itself. So that gets also confused. And then the second thing I want you to do is stay close, because this year, my work is all about helping people move forward without pressure, but without also shrinking their lives, either. So this is all about expansion and growth without compromising yourself, your nervous system, and your health. And that's where real expansion begins. Pressure made you effective, but it was never meant to be permanent. And you can thrive, you can expand, you can grow, without the old programming, without the trauma response of pressure. Working under pressure and working with urgency is a trauma response. And it served you for the longest time, my dear, but it doesn't have to be that way anymore. It's not serving you anymore, and there is another way where you can thrive by reflecting on and by giving yourself permission to think about how good can my life get. If there was no limitation, no pressure, and no fear, how good would everything get—your life, your business? That's where I meet you here, that's where I want to meet you, that's where my work comes in, and that's what I wish for each and one of you. With that note, I'm going to close this episode by wishing you a new year that's going to be full of expansion, and full of you honoring yourself and honoring your needs, as well as honoring your desires. And I will be rooting for you.
Narrator: Thank you for listening to From Trauma to CEO: The Psychology of Transformational Success with Farya Barlas. Check out the show notes for more information on how to continue this work or explore more of Farya's teachings. If this episode resonated, please follow, review, and share it with someone who needs this message. And we'll see you in the next episode.
Series Integration Analysis: Trauma-Led Success
Barlas’ work challenges typical corporate hustle cultures by contrasting Trauma-Led Success with Reparative Success. A map of how this structural pattern operates across the entire body of her podcast series can be illustrated as follows:
TRAUMA-LED SUCCESS REPARATIVE SUCCESS ┌───────────────────────────────┐ ┌───────────────────────────────┐ │ • Driven by survival impulses │ │ • Driven by genuine desire │ │ • Identity is tied to output │ ───► │ • Identity detached from work │ │ • Functions as a regulator │ │ • Built for sustainable joy │ └───────────────────────────────┘ └───────────────────────────────┘
The Regulatory Mechanism of Urgency: Highly capable leaders use chronic velocity, constant self-reliance, and operational pressure as protective tools. This momentum keeps a deep-seated fear of lack or failure at bay, and using work as a container provides an illusion of internal structure.
The Vulnerability of Open Space: When a nervous system designed for constant operational friction meets open time or a quiet schedule (such as the winter holidays or a smooth operational period), it reacts with discomfort, agitation, and an impulse to find a problem. It misinterprets downtime as a dangerous exposure of the self.
The Shift to Internal Safety: Moving into a reparative model does not signal a loss of drive or professional edge. Instead, it updates the internal nervous system architecture so that success functions as a pure product of desire rather than a strict necessity for basic survival.
Actionable Diagnostics
The "Unused Capacity" Somatic Baseline
To assess if your current drive is rooted in genuine strategic execution or an unconscious, trauma-led loop, use these diagnostic checks:
The Open Space Somatic Test: Picture yourself in an completely quiet, open stretch of time with no immediate commercial demands, deadlines, or operational crises. Pay attention to your body's baseline physical reaction:
Somatic Release & Softening: Indicates standard, healthy physical fatigue.
Agitation, Chronic Restlessness, or Urgent Problem-Seeking: Signals that your identity uses career velocity to regulate deep-seated anxiety.
The "Making It Count" Pressure Check: Use Farya Barlas' diagnostic tool by focusing your attention internally and asking: "What inside of me tightens when I think about making this year count?" Observe the tight or tense regions of your body. Then ask: "What shifts or softens when I imagine moving forward without that pressure?" This physical shift reveals exactly where your system is trapped in survival architecture.
Episode Summary
In this profoundly personal episode, host Farya Barlas welcomes her sister, Fareda Barlas, an accredited integrative relational psychotherapist and the founder of Hadley Wood Practice. The two dive into an intimate conversation about growing up amid the collective trauma of war and the generational programming that shaped them into hyper-independent, high-functioning overachievers. They explore what it truly means to move past corporate expectations, step into entrepreneurship, and transition from merely analyzing past pain to deeply processing it so that successful leaders can finally experience true inner abundance.
What You’ll Learn
You will discover how childhood survival responses, such as hyper-independence and a refusal to ask for help, can drive immense professional success while simultaneously keeping your internal world deeply unfulfilled.
The conversation breaks down why simply identifying or intellectualizing your past psychological wounds becomes a stale practice if you do not actively sit with and process the suppressed emotions attached to them.
You will gain insight into how reclaiming your vulnerability and connecting with your inner child allows you to integrate the parts of yourself left behind during your climb to professional success.
The sisters discuss how moving away from rigid corporate programming and leaning into intuition and authentic relationship-led work unlocks financial growth alongside deep personal alignment.
You will explore the concept that your unique genius and professional gifts do not exist despite your historical pain, but are instead found buried directly beneath your trauma responses.
Resources
Free Diagnostic: faryabarlas.com/diagnostic
Method™: faryabarlas.com/services
Book call: faryabarlas.com/book
Guest Website: hadleywoodtherapy.com
Guest Instagram: fareda.psychotherapist
